Social media presents a new world of exciting opportunities for narcissists. It’s never been so easy to gain praise and attention. Or present an enhanced false self to the world. And spy on former lovers. All at the click of a button!
I thought I’d write an article on my observations on how narcissists use social media. Here’s what I’ve spotted, how narcissists use social media…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
All Or Nothing
Some narcissists go through phases. They’re on social media all the time, then suddenly disappear. Then re-appear, like a bolt out the blue.
There’s a few reasons for this. They love the drama and attention of “announcing” they’re quitting. And watching people beg them to stay. Plus the attention and mystery of disappearing, then triumphally returning, “Hey you’re back! Where did you go?”
Another reason they might quit is when they’ve done something to hurt someone. They disappear to avoid being exposed. Narcissists try to maintain a credible public profile. They want to be liked. Because they need attention. When their credibility is threatened, they often lay low.
Some narcissists never go on social media. At least not as themselves. Often it’s because they’ve too many skeletons in their cupboards. And fear people from their past showing up and exposing them.
Others lead secretive lives. Such as being in two or more relationships. Or pretending to be more successful than they really are. For these, it’s easier to abstain from social media. Rather than covering their tracks, and risk getting caught out.
Public Displays Of Empathy
Narcissists like to publicly play the kind, caring, and empathetic role. And social media is a great platform.
They can post articles about social issues. Often without actually reading them. Express support for the vulnerable. Share their “wisdom”. And show the world how kind and conscientious they are.
They can subtly boast about their good deeds too. “I was on my way dropping off shopping for my grandparents, when I ran into an old friend.”
Or ask for “help” giving help, “Does anyone know the number for the Salvation Army, because I want to volunteer?” Google it!
Narcissists deep down know there’s something different about them. So they fake being “normal” to fit in. And faking empathy is top of their list. This is easily achievable on social media.
Narcissist Attention Seeking
Social media is an ideal hunting ground for attention seekers. And narcissists LOVE attention.
Narcissists are creative in their attention seeking efforts. They might cause an argument. Play the victim. Or pretend to be offended by someone’s posts or opinions.
Some show pictures of new purchases. Or fancy places they’ve visited. I’ve even seen some with pictures stood next to cars that aren’t theirs!
Narcissist usually post often, to maximise their exposure. They’re bottomless pits when it comes to craving attention. They can never get too much.
Attention is measured in likes, shares, number of friends etc. And these metrics are important to narcissists. The more the merrier.
Many privately complain when others don’t like their posts. I once had a narcissist friend complain that my sister, who didn’t know her, never liked her pictures.
They seem acutely aware of who does and doesn’t like their posts. And get annoyed with those that don’t support their attention seeking ways.
Narcissists Sock Puppets
Some narcissists resort to setting up fake accounts. This is usually to spy on an ex without them knowing.
Narcissists don’t want to lose face by being exposed for spying on an ex. They don’t want to appear too keen. So they hide behind fake accounts.
Narcissists like to know if an ex is single. How happy they look. And how vulnerable they seem. They like to know whether they’re a good candidate for a hoover, should they need them in the future. Social media is great for spying!
Hoovering
Social media is also the perfect platform for Hoovers. As you’re probably aware, narcissists are never truly done with an ex. They know if they’re low on narcissistic supply, an ex is a great back up plan.
The narcissist may start with a casual “how’s it going?”, before revealing how much they miss you, and how you’re still soul mates. And remind you of the “good old days.”
Or they might try a subtle approach, and send an “accidental” blank message, or like a picture. And hope you respond.
Either way, social media is great for a sending Hoovers, dressed as “innocent” communication. It’s much easier than knocking on your door, or picking up the telephone.
Research
Narcissists are empty shells of people. They don’t know who they are. So they copy or “mirror” people they want to attract. Especially new or potential lovers.
A narcissist thinks nothing of faking the same hobbies, interests and opinions, to draw someone in. Social media is perfect for research. All the information is at their fingertips.
A narcissists can learn what music you like. TV programs, films etc. And can pretend to like the same.
There’s nothing wrong with discovering mutual interests. But narcissists outright fake them.
Unfriending As Punishment
I’ve noticed many narcissists unfriend people as punishment. Only to re-friend them soon after. Narcissists don’t really want to lose friends. They need attention too much.
They hope to condition you, like Pavlov’s dogs, to behave how they want. The “punishment” is unfriending. And the “reward” is allowing you back as friends. But you’re on probation. Any more nonsense and you’re unfriended again.
The narcissist controls the relationship. THEY choose when you’re friends. And when you’re not.
And because they’re narcissistic, they believe you’re distraught without their friendship. So you’d better buck up your ideas!
Play The Victim
Social media is a great place to play the pity card. And narcissists frequently use it to show the world how downtrodden they are. Then sit back and lap up the attention. Nuff said!
Final Thoughts
Narcissists love attention. And they love portraying themselves as pillars of the community. Both are easy on social media.
Be careful assuming people are narcissists just because they behave in these ways. Many non narcissists also display some of these behaviours. But narcissists display these behaviours more intensely. And more consistently.
Narcissists are all about feeding themselves narcissistic supply. Gaining attention, praise, and proving they’re the best. Social media is a perfect tool for this.
Narcissists like to gain their supply without being too intimate. Most narcissists fear intimacy, because they don’t like leaving themselves vulnerable. Social media bypasses the need for closeness. So again a big plus for social media.
If a narcissist is not on social media, then two possible reasons spring to mind. They either feel they’re “above” going on social media. Or they have too many secrets they want keeping to themselves. Either from their past, or their present.
Social media presents many golden opportunities for narcissists. So if they don’t participate, you’ve got to wonder why!
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This right here. I used to know a lot of people who do this. Or they’ll be soooooo vague about something being wrong just so everyone asks them what’s wrong just to get no answer. They love that bullshit.
Attention seeking!